I am meeting a guy called Rick at 4:00pm. I'm not too keen on him. My instincts are saying he is a tool. Maybe it's my doubt. Anyway, I'll wait and see. Nah. I'm being a pessimist. We are meeting at Cookie on swanston. I think the reason I'm not that keen is because i just realised there isn't much chemistry between us. Between me and F there was palpable tension. Our online chats are pretty sexy but boring. He's not very stimulating. That's it! He's boring lol.
I had an argument because I said to another "friend" I'd been speaking too that I didn't want a relationship. He was quite affronted and I do feel sad that he got that idea but..I have to be strong. And try desperately not to be nasty or lead anyone on. There seems to be a fine line between having a play when chatting and putting the wrong thing across. Oh well. What can a girl do? I'll get this meeting over and done with. Then I can relax. I'm going to see my ex over easter, I think we're going to have dinner.
I don't even know what I want yet. Nobody can expect anything of me until I know that myself. So there. I won't be manipulated by men that think they have some sort of right because they are dominant and I am submissive. Anyone who is not prepared to first respect me as a person, and embrace the whole me not just my sexuality, will not gain my devotion. Phew. Rant. I've got more to say but I don't know how to articulate it.
bella xo
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