Blah....

This isn't a search for submission, I don't know what the hell it is. Actually I do. It's called - being used - for the uneducated among us. I am shitty. And cranky. I wish I could explore this need inside me with someone who is willing to extend on it. I wish my experiences weren't confined to a car. At this rate I'm going to get bored with sucking cock. (oh, how scandalous) Yeah, sure he came inside and we played a bit. People get bored. I am bored. Is this all there is? Dumb question, I know. I can hear all of your voices out there saying all those helpful things. Be patient. Take things as they come. Live in the moment. If it's meant to happen it will. I KNOW ALL OF THIS. I am not stupid, or dimwitted. I know I am being used and I am being patient, taking things as they come, living in the moment. Trying to find my way in this stupid maze they call life. Work was crappy tonight. Might have something to do with my mood, hmmm. I'm sick of not being acknowledged. In all areas of my life. It's starting to wear me down, so I suppose I had to crash and burn sooner or later. Sooner, rather than later it seems. Fuck you, Sir. And yes I will still capitalise your name, but only because I am polite, lol. I actually do hope you are having fun, out with your trendy mates. Thank you for taking the most vulnerable part of me and disregarding it. Although it doesn't surprise me that much. I was just hopeful. I guess I'm sore because I'm at home on a Friday night by myself, I'm sick, work is pissing me off and I'm feeling used and abandoned. I don't want to be submissive if all it means is that I suck random men's cock's and then be ignored. I never thought that was what it was about. I wanted to be treasured and hated at the same time because I'm so sexy. I want to be ravished and tied up so I can struggle and then be told that I'm not allowed. I want to be spanked and made to cry even though my cunt is dripping wet. I want a big strong man to hold me down while I beg for him to take me, but all he does is keep teasing. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm disillusioned. Negative nancy, over and out.