Hmmm.

So I sat here like an idiot, and he logged into messenger. I sort of alluded to the fact that I was freaking out a little and he told me to relax. See, look how relaxed I am Sir!! How can I not be emotionally involved in this? I know myself better than to think I can do this. Damn it! I just changed my mind. As I wrote that sentence. I will do it. I can't expect to hit pay dirt on my second shovel load now can I? Just deal with it. I feel so flippant. My moods are like the ocean (la la la) no not really, they are more like moods - totally unpredictable. I think I am doing the expectation thing and I need to stop. He really is a pretty nice guy. He said he logged into msn to speak to me though, so enough of the negative bullshit. Give it a chance, I tell myself. Although I am impatient, and demanding it seems, I am determined to end this on a good note. I will stay true to my journey and to myself.

"I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy." Anais Nin

I do need to relax, don't I?