Cranky

Want to die. Hate being played for a fool. Hate it. It has to be done now. I don't want to play with him anymore. He makes me sad. More sad than happy. And unsatisfied. And unsure. I know now I need more than this. I know now he can give me no more than this. A pity. But the truth. He may just be a very busy man with a fetish for kink. Which is all well and good. If I was just a busy girl with a fetish for kink also. But I'm not. I thought I could do this but I can't. It's too much for me. At the end of the day I really am delicate. I need to be nurtured and tutored and treasured. Not quickly used and embraced and then left to my own devices till next time. I want, no I crave instruction and discipline from a strong man who is willing to take the time to develop me to perfection, not to just satisfy a short term need. This is not a true dominant / submissive relationship. It's not really much of a relationship at all. And it is stagnating. Maybe he knows that too. Oh well. I just don't give a fuck. I'm bored. I'm tired. And I am so much better than this.