Cranky

Want to die. Hate being played for a fool. Hate it. It has to be done now. I don't want to play with him anymore. He makes me sad. More sad than happy. And unsatisfied. And unsure. I know now I need more than this. I know now he can give me no more than this. A pity. But the truth. He may just be a very busy man with a fetish for kink. Which is all well and good. If I was just a busy girl with a fetish for kink also. But I'm not. I thought I could do this but I can't. It's too much for me. At the end of the day I really am delicate. I need to be nurtured and tutored and treasured. Not quickly used and embraced and then left to my own devices till next time. I want, no I crave instruction and discipline from a strong man who is willing to take the time to develop me to perfection, not to just satisfy a short term need. This is not a true dominant / submissive relationship. It's not really much of a relationship at all. And it is stagnating. Maybe he knows that too. Oh well. I just don't give a fuck. I'm bored. I'm tired. And I am so much better than this.

Congrats are in order :)

Oh and I'm a real nurse now, girl got her registration !!

Driving me crazy

I guess a new chapter is due. I need to go and buy cigarettes but it's so cold outside, it has been for a week or two now. Damn Melbourne winter. Ok, rugged up now I have managed to convince myself. Be right back.

Well, where to start. girl has been seeing Sir on a weekly basis now. We go to his house now. He lives in a studio apartment with glass panels on the roof, I hope I get a chance to see it during the day. Sir remains very busy with his work and I still worry that he is not as committed to this as me. When I am with him, in his arms I know it's alright but after a few days I start to think silly thoughts. For now I will give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sir has lived there for 8 years, so he is definitely not married. He said you can go up on the roof and that he will take me up there when I'm not wearing my heels. He loves the footy. His team has had a good run but I just read they lost. Damn. I don't really follow footy only out of respect for Sir.

He bought a gorgeous little black suede whip. I knelt at his feet in my corset and skirt, with my red lips (finally he almost approved) and gagged as he fucked my face until I vomit in my mouth. He makes me show him then I swallow. I deep throat him as best as I can till he comes in my mouth. So freakin perverted, I love it. I get ordered to stand up as he tells me he has bought a whip. I moan in anticipation and he tells me to fix myself up.

As I finish and turn for his approval, he tells me more red lipstick, I turn towards the mirror and he lifts my skirt. The first blow is heavenly as Sir continues to whip girl harder and harder. girl gasps as she reapplies her lipstick flawlessly. When he stops and walks away she has to steady herself against the mirror, giggling as she looks at the state she is in. Delicious.

Afterwards he tells her that he has never hit anyone that hard before. girl says that she wants it so much harder. Sir calls her a pain slut. girl loves it.

Sir invites girl to sit on the couch with him and shows him some porn. It makes girl wet and she wants to touch her cunt, later regretting that she didn't try to just to see what Sir would have done.

He whips her again, bent over the couch this time, and starts to play with her ass first with his hands and tongue, then with his gorgeous cock alternating with striking girl on the ass and shoulders.

He starts to fuck girl's ass, she leans into his thrusts but it is too much as he comes close to entering her fully, the stupid slut cannot take it and she cries out.

Sir pulls out immediately and pulls her upright. girl feels suddenly empty and ashamed that she could not take all of Sir's cock. He holds her close, she knows he is not upset and leads her over to suck his cock. He comes deep in her throat and girl feels safe knowing she has not done so badly.

Next time he tells her he will piss in her mouth. "Take off whatever you don't want me to piss on, slut." girl removes her skirt and corset. She kneels in his bathroom in front of the toilet. When she taste Sir's piss it is much better than she imagined. He whips her again. Then he tells her to clean herself up.

They tidy up together. girl loves that.

Sir kisses her after she has cleaned up. They sit on the couch and cuddle. He kisses her forehead and strokes her head. She leans into his Sirness and sighs in satisfaction and delight.

They watch the footy show and laugh together, Sir cradles girl in his big arms and holds her tight sometimes, kissing her face and lips. They both cannot stop smiling at each other.

He drives her home. They listen to The Killers. He kisses her before she goes inside.

Sir is going to take girl shopping. And to get her tongue pierced with a gold piercing. And he said he may have to get a new whip as the first one is not nasty enough.

Yay!

Musing..

I go out to conquer the world then return to you and kneel at your feet
Satisfied you will protect me and celebrate my strength

I give you my mind and body for your pleasure
Treasure them, as they are a rare and precious gift

Raise me from kneeling to heights I’ve never imagined
Send me crashing back down

Again and again and again

Then bring me back to life with your embrace

What is mine, is yours to make your own.

Silly Test

Your Score: Slave

You are 79 submissive and 86 into pain!

Here we have you, highly submissive and willing to take quite some pain for your Master. Really good girl.

Link: The female submission Test written by Patricia1978 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Impatient slut

Sir is too nice to me lately. It makes me edgy and happy at the same time. I worry that he has another girl, a nastier slut than me that I play substitute for. I also worry that he may actually just like girl.

I know he is busy but I can’t help but wonder. Especially when he hasn’t taken me to his house. Maybe he is ashamed because it is messy but doesn’t he understand I need more of him? More of the different parts of him. Why does he always pop in and out? Will there ever be a time when he spends the night or I at his? What am I to him? Does he value me and if he does what is it he values about me?

I get my knickers in a knot over him. Means that I like him. Or I wouldn’t care. And it’s not as if there is a shortage of male talent around. But Sir is divine. 6’4 big broad shoulders, muscly but still potential for more…mm he makes me weak at the knees. Soft kissable lips. A strong measured hand, disciplined from karate.

Why am I complaining? girl wants to be punished. He has only played with her so far yet hints that he wants to push so much farther. girl wants it. She wants Sir to make her cry and scream and then be tender and gentle with her.

It confuses her when he is only gentle and loving. girl finds it hard to accept. Maybe that is something that girl needs to address. She needs to stop topping from the bottom. Sir knows best and until he hurts her or she is unhappy she should shut her mouth and appreciate whatever it is that Sir is handing out. And try to learn some patience… :)

girl has joined the gym and her muscles are sore from training the last few days. When I lose another 9 kg Sir is going to fuck me and fuck me again and again. And choke me as he fucks me with his big cock. Mmmm. His words. Can't wait *evil giggle* I'm happy I met him. My life is on track. I am just about to be registered as a nurse, I love my house (although I have a bone to pick with one of the flatmates)I truly love my job and I have lost so much weight and continue to. I want to be 60kg but I want to be healthy. girl did 50 mins of cardio and about 45 of strength training. I love it. I never thought I would but I do.

Sir is going to buy me some boots and also I may be getting my tongue pierced. Everybody is very opposed but you know what.. I don't care a great deal lol. Sir is happy for me to get a gold piercing so that suits me just fine. girl doesn't wear silver as a general rule. She can be a bit of a princess like that :) I feel better after writing. I should do it more.